As I head out to the coops, I can hear the chickens chatting happily amongst themselves at the same time I watch as a raccoon family fusses while getting themselves tucked in for a long nap.
Watching the new day emerge is such a magical time and normally I am happy to oblige all the sights, sounds and colors with my deepest appreciation and respect. It is reason enough to get out of bed, even if you didn't have hungry mouths waiting on you. Lucy is always the first to the feed bowl, but even she takes a moment to appreciate the dawn.
The gloomy day suits my mood.
Back and forth we have made this journey physically and emotionally. Nearly 2,000 miles on the vehicle with countless sleepless nights and tears. It has been a jumble of contradictions. I've been both determined and uncertain. Hopeful and helpless. The time between treatments has seemed an eternity, while the march to her finish line has passed lightning fast.
This is the day I have been dreading. Knowing without knowing, what I would hear. I knew it at 2:00 am when I could no longer hide in my sleep. I passed the day busy but distracted, in a rush and yet in no hurry. When I finally sat in the room with the doctor and heard the words, it was a feeling of despair without panic. I knew this was coming and yet it all felt too soon.
We were told that worst case scenario Bella would survive 2 months with her cancer. Best case, 2 years. We haven't made it to month 3 yet.